Infidelity, Betrayal & Men's Work

Infidelity breaks something

Trust, obviously — but also your sense of who you are, who your partner is, and whether the relationship you thought you had was ever real. Whether you're the one who strayed or the one who found out, you're probably in a lot of pain right now. And you might not know where to even start.

This page is a starting point. I work with couples and individuals navigating the aftermath of affairs and other betrayals. My approach is humanistic and grounded in IFS — I'm not here to assign blame or hand out diagnoses. I’m also not here to rubber stamp you behavior. I'm here to help you understand what happened, take honest ownership where it's needed, and figure out what comes next.

For the Person Who Had the Affair

You did something you never thought you'd do. The guilt and shame are constant, and there's a particular kind of loneliness that comes with being the one who caused the pain — because most of the support, most of the sympathy, and most of the resources out there aren't really for you.

I work with men who've had affairs and are trying to make sense of it. Not to let you off the hook, but because "I'm sorry" only goes so far without understanding. Why did this happen? What were you looking for? What parts of you made choices that the rest of you regrets?

We explore those questions without judgment and without treating what happened as a disease. The goal is real accountability — the kind your partner can actually feel, and the kind that changes something in you, not just your behavior.

What this looks like: We typically start by stabilizing — processing the crisis, managing the day-to-day emotional fallout, and building your capacity to sit with discomfort without shutting down. From there, we move into deeper work around understanding the internal dynamics that led to the affair. Over time, the focus shifts to repair — whether that's within your relationship or within yourself.

For the Partner Who Was Betrayed

Your world got turned upside down. You might be cycling through rage, grief, numbness, and hypervigilance — sometimes all in the same hour. You're questioning everything, and you're exhausted.

I want to be straightforward with you: my practice focuses on working with the person who had the affair, and that shapes how I approach couples work. That said, your pain is never secondary in this room. If we work together as a couple, I hold space for both of you — your anger, your grief, your need for answers. The work doesn't move forward without you feeling safe enough to be honest about where you are.

If you're looking for a therapist who works primarily from the betrayed partner's perspective, I'd be privileged to help you find someone who's the right fit. If you want to work together as a couple with someone who's going to push your partner toward real understanding and real ownership, that's what I do.

Individual work with men

Not everything that brings you to therapy is about an affair. Sometimes it's anxiety that won't let up, depression that's hard to name, a sense that you've lost track of who you are, or patterns in your relationships that you keep repeating but can't seem to change.

I work with men individually on all of these things. A lot of men I see have never had a space where they could be honest about what's going on internally — without performing strength, without minimizing, without jumping straight to fixing it. That's what I offer.

My approach uses IFS to help you get curious about the different parts of yourself that are running the show — the ones that protect you, the ones that carry pain, and the ones you've been ignoring. The work is warm, direct, and sometimes uncomfortable in a good way.

Ready to talk? Schedule a free 15-minute consultation — no commitment, no pressure. Just a conversation about what's going on and whether we'd be a good fit.